At work, we have the simplest yet most casual conversations...

Ashley and I:

Ashley: Yeah, so Claudia comes up to me the other day and is like, Ash, you weirdo, you got a major camel toe going on, and so me, being the dumb ass I am, I lift up my shirt, I was wearing the leggings you know, the ones I usually wear and I don't see no camel toe. It's like when the hem of your pants rides up your pussy and stuff you know? So I'm like, Claudia you idiot, that's no camel toe, my hips are just bony.

Me: Wow...great story...you should tell it at parties.

Garrett and I:

Me: Dude, I got a food baby that is aching the crap outta me. I'll be right back. (heads to bathroom)
(comes out of bathroom a few minutes later)

Garrett: Feeling better?

Me: I didn't shit.

Garrett: I dunno by the way you made it sound...

(at this point we were walking out into the isle with many people around)

Me: Nope. I was just fixing my hair, believe me, if were crapping you'd know. I blow that shit up.

Garrett: (laughs)

Me: I love how we are such good friends that we can talk about this in public.

Garrett: I know!!!

Customer and myself...we will call him squished sammich...sammich for short.
(I squish his sammiches all the time)

Sammich: You're all out of sandwiches, I swear...(hides sammich beneath cover)

Me: Oh, stop being silly, I can clearly see you have two of them. And last time I checked, I owed you.

Sammich: Naw, you don't have to owe me anything...So how is your day? (trying to change the subject)

Me: Oh, not good, I feel really gross cause I haven't hit the gym, and whats worse is the food baby, which is turning into a food coma.

Sammich: Oh man that sucks. Besides that, and you currently smashing my sandwich into the counter(is currently smashing sammich into counter) How else has your day been?

Me: I am genuinely thrilled that you asked actually... I went to the back to get some guy their ultra light cigarettes and this massive random boulder came out of nowhere. Then after running around the back room for about 30 seconds and finally leaping through the door and down an isle, at that point you'd think that you have escaped to safety, but then a massive flaming bus from hell comes up through the floor while camel spiders pick at your toes too shocked at this marvel to move and stomp those damn spiders. Then you try to outrun the bus but it jumps on you and devours your bones then leaves you as a pile of squishy flesh in a corner on the floor while all you can think of is...why is this happening?

Sammich: (At this point his is laughing hysterically and wondering why he keeps coming ot my register when he knows I am gonna smash his sammiches)Are you for real? (he has to ask)

Me: Yup